Jasper

Hi, I’m Jasper. I’m devastatingly handsome, emotionally manipulative, and the undisputed center of a universe I did not create but somehow inherited. My hobbies include staring at you until you become uncomfortable, weaponizing sadness, demanding physical affection immediately after acting like I don’t need you, and conducting routine audits of whatever you’re eating. I have no job, contribute nothing financially, and maintain extremely high expectations for everyone around me. Personal boundaries are important. Yours, however, are negotiable. If you stop petting me before I’m finished, I will assume our relationship is in crisis and respond accordingly. I require very little: uninterrupted devotion, constant admiration, premium snacks, unrestricted furniture access, and complete control over household operations. I’m not spoiled. You’ve simply been properly trained.